A weekly 20-minute school check-in with your child: a ready card
Once a week, at the same time, ask five questions in order: the best thing, the hardest thing, what's coming next week, one step to try, and how you can help; then write one line. Tonight there is one decision: pick the day and the time.
The weekly check-in — question card and note
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Every day you ask, “How was school?” and every day you hear, “Fine.” A general question gets a general answer. One conversation a week, with specific questions in a fixed order, gives you a clearer picture, and your child knows what to expect from it. Here is the card: five questions, each with its minutes and its follow-ups, a weekly note of one line, and how to adapt it by age.
- Definition
- The weekly school check-in: A short conversation at a fixed time each week, in which a parent asks their child the same five questions in the same order about their week at school, then writes one line that both come back to the following week.
The card: five questions in 20 minutes
Ask them in order. It starts with what went well, because the hard part is easier to talk about after that, and it ends with what you can do. If your child answers in one word, use the follow-ups.
| Question | Time | If they say “nothing”, ask |
|---|---|---|
| 1. What was the best thing at school this week? | 3 min | “Which lesson made you laugh?” “Who did you sit with at break?” |
| 2. What was the hardest thing this week? | 5 min | “In which subject did the lesson feel faster than you?” “Did something happen with someone?” |
| 3. What's coming up next week? | 4 min | “Do you have a test, a project or something to hand in? Which day?” |
| 4. What's one step you'll try? | 4 min | “Did last week's step help?” “What's the first thing you'll do?” |
| 5. How can I help this week? | 3 min | “Do you need something from me, or is it enough that you told me?” “Shall I talk to the teacher, or will you?” |
| Then: one line in the weekly note | 1 min | You write it, or they do if they are ten or older. |
The weekly note: one line a week
After the check-in, write one line in a notebook or on a sheet on the fridge. Not the marks: the five answers, briefly. At the start of the next check-in, begin with last week's line: “You said you'd try this. How did it go?”
| Week | Best | Hardest | Coming up | The step, and how it went |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | A presentation in science | Long division | A short maths quiz on Thursday | Two practice examples each evening — did it four times |
| 2 | A match at break | Spelling | Arabic project due | Read the words aloud before writing them — tried it twice |
| 3 | The quiz mark | A falling-out with a friend | Nothing in particular | Talk to the friend at break — not tried yet |
After a month, read the lines together. If the same “hardest” comes up three weeks running, that is a question for the teacher; take the note with you to the parent-teacher meeting. If you want a closer look at their level in one subject, How to know your child's level has short checks to gather what you will tell the teacher.
How to run the check-in
A fixed time
Pick a day and an hour that don't change, at the end of their school week, and tell them in advance. A fixed time makes the check-in a habit they know, not a summons that takes them by surprise.
Side by side, not face to face
UNICEF's page on talking with 11 to 13-year-olds suggests moments such as doing chores, cooking or travelling together, and keeping it conversational rather than “questioning”. So hold the check-in on a short walk, or while you tidy the kitchen together.
Phones away
UNICEF says that what matters in the time you set aside for your child is that you focus on them, and suggests turning off the TV and phone during it. The weekly check-in is that kind of time.
Listen, and don't fix everything
When they name the hardest thing, don't jump in with a fix. Ask, as UNICEF suggests: “What do you think should be done?” Our view is that a step they choose themselves is more likely to be tried.
Praise what they did, not who they are
When they mention something they achieved, say “You worked hard on this and it shows,” not “You're so clever.” That is what UNICEF advises for 6 to 10-year-olds: praise actions rather than identity.
Why every week, and why these questions
The Education Endowment Foundation's 2018 guidance report “Working with Parents to Support Children's Learning” says that as children get older, parents' encouragement for, and interest in, their learning matter more than direct involvement. It says parents can support their children by encouraging them to set goals, plan, and manage their time, effort and emotions. Questions 3 and 4 on the card are planning of that kind: what is coming, and what the step is.
The report describes a trial in UK secondary schools involving 15,000 students, in which parents received weekly text messages from the school over a year about upcoming tests, whether homework was handed in on time, and what their children were learning. The children made one month's additional progress in maths and were absent less. The report suggests the reason was better communication between parents and children: parents who received the texts were nearly three times more likely than those in the control group to talk to their child about revising for an upcoming test. Question 3 in your check-in opens that same conversation every week.
If your child uses the String for Families app, its daily read tells you each evening where they got it right and where they hesitated in what they played from their own syllabus, which may give you something to ask about in question 2.
The same card at different ages
The five questions don't change, but the way you ask them does. The lengths in the table are our suggestion.
| Age | Length | What changes |
|---|---|---|
| 6 to 9 | 10 to 15 minutes | Questions about things they can picture: “What did you draw?” “Who did you play with?” UNICEF suggests using everyday moments, such as a sports win or a low grade, to check in on how they feel. You write the line, and they may draw beside it. |
| 10 to 12 | 20 minutes | Keep it a conversation, not an interrogation, and pick another time if they are having a bad day or are busy, as UNICEF advises. They write the line; you read it. |
| 13 and over | 20 minutes or less, with them leading | Ask open-ended questions, ask for their opinion and share yours, and don't take over the discussion to tell them what to do; that is UNICEF's advice. When you don't follow, ask “Could you explain what you mean by…?” rather than assume. |
Three mistakes that spoil the check-in
- Turning it into a marks review: start with grades and the check-in becomes a weekly exam they avoid. Marks have their own time; this is about their week.
- Fixing every problem on the spot: if they leave every check-in with five tasks, their answers will get shorter the next week. One step is enough.
- Cancelling it when the week was good: the check-in in a good week is what makes the check-in in a hard week possible. Don't cancel it, even if it is short.
The card fails when it becomes the only way you talk. It is a weekly appointment, not a replacement for listening when your child comes to you on another day. If the “hardest thing” is a worry that keeps coming back for weeks and has started to interfere with school, home or play — the sign UNICEF gives for seeking support — talk to the school counsellor or to your child's doctor. This card organises the conversation; it does not diagnose anything.
If the hardest thing is refusing to study at all, When your child refuses to study has steps for a single evening. And if they mention a new app in class, What to ask an app or school about your child's data has six questions to ask about it.
Frequently asked questions
- How do I talk to my child about school when they won't say anything?
- Ask specific questions instead of “How was school?”, start with the best thing in their week, and talk while doing something together, such as cooking or travelling, as UNICEF suggests.
- How do I keep track of my child's schoolwork without pressuring them?
- One weekly check-in at a fixed time, asking about their week rather than their marks, then one written line. The EEF report says parents' encouragement and interest matter more than direct involvement as children get older.
- What if my child refuses the check-in?
- Cut it to two questions and let them choose the place or the day. If they refuse for weeks, don't make it a fight; ask about their week in ordinary moments, such as cooking or on the way somewhere.
- Should my child see the weekly note?
- Yes. The note is for both of you, not a report about them. From around ten, they can write it themselves.
Sources
Every fact in this post that we did not produce ourselves comes from one of these sources.
- Working with Parents to Support Children's Learning: Guidance Report — Education Endowment Foundation, 2018
- Mental health conversation starters: 6–10 years — UNICEF Parenting, undated (read 2026-10-22)
- Mental health conversation starters: 11–13 years — UNICEF Parenting, undated (read 2026-10-22)
- Mental health conversation starters: 14–18 years — UNICEF Parenting, undated (read 2026-10-22)
- How to discipline your child the smart and healthy way — UNICEF Parenting, undated (read 2026-10-22)
- What is anxiety? — UNICEF Parenting, undated (read 2026-10-22)
Written with String's editorial team: we use AI for research and first drafts, and a person checks every fact and every source before anything is published. How we write
Founder and CEO, String
“I grew up in a house of teachers.” I spent a year designing the STEM program for one of the largest school groups in Saudi Arabia, have written curriculum by hand, trained robotics coaches and sold software into schools, then left that job to build String in Amman.
