How much should you help with homework? A four-rung ladder

Your child sits in front of the homework and says, “I don't know.” At that moment it is tempting to pick up the pencil and solve it. It works better to give the smallest amount of help that lets them carry on, and to add more one step at a time. Here are four rungs, the sentence to say at each, when to stop, and what to write to the teacher when none of the rungs is enough.

Definition

The homework help ladder: Four levels of stepping in to a child's homework, lightest first: sitting nearby, asking a question, showing a similar example, and a note to the teacher. You climb to a rung only when the one below is not enough.

The ladder: four rungs, start at the bottom

Read the table from the first rung. Each rung has a sentence to say more or less as written, and a sign that tells you when to move up.

Why not just do it for them

The Education Endowment Foundation's guidance report “Working with Parents to Support Children's Learning”, written for schools in 2018 after a review of the best available international research, is clear: parents should help children build a regular routine and good homework habits, know about the homework, and show interest and encouragement, while schools should be cautious about promoting direct parental help with the homework itself, especially for older children. The report says that helping a child set goals, plan, and manage their time, effort and emotions will often be more valuable than direct help with the tasks.

It adds that struggling students may be more likely to ask their parents for help, but parents may not know the most effective teaching methods, so it may work better to point the child back to the teacher. That is why the ladder starts with the lightest help and ends with a note to the teacher, not with an answer written by you.

What to say at each rung, and what to avoid

1. 1

   Rung 1: be close by, not over their shoulder

   Being near is help in itself: they know someone will hear them if they need it. Sit where they can see you and get on with something quiet. Avoid watching every line they write, and avoid “Focus” and “Hurry up”; both interrupt their thinking more than they help it. If your child is in the first years of school, they may need you beside them, not just in the room.

2. 2

   Rung 2: one question, no explaining

   A question gives the thinking back to them; an explanation takes it away. Ask: “Read me the question out loud,” then “What is it asking you?”, then “What's the first thing you'll do?” If they say “I don't know,” ask: “Where in your notebook is something like this?” Avoid questions that carry the answer, such as “Don't you multiply here?” — that is an answer dressed up as a question.

3. 3

   Rung 3: an example like theirs, never their own question

   Solve a different example with other numbers or words, saying out loud what you do at each step, then hand their question back. If their homework has $72÷3$, work through $84÷4$ in front of them: “I split 84 into 80 and 4. 80 divided by 4 is 20, 4 divided by 4 is 1, so the answer is 21.” Then say: “Now yours.” If the school's method is different from yours, ask them to show you the method in their notebook and solve your example that way, or go to rung 4.

4. 4

   Rung 4: a short note to the teacher

   When the first three rungs are not enough, stop. Let them write what they can, even if it is incomplete, and don't correct their notebook once they are done. Then write a three-line note in the notebook, or a message the way the school prefers. There is a model in the next section.

What the teacher needs to know

Teachers plan tomorrow's lesson from what they see in their students' work. That is what “Classroom Assessment: Minute by Minute, Day by Day” (Educational Leadership, November 2005) describes: teachers adjusting their teaching to what students show they understand, while the learning is still happening. Homework you have corrected shows a child who understood the lesson, and the class moves on.

A useful note is short and says four things: which question, what your child tried, where they stopped, and how long it took. You don't need to describe their level in it, or apologise for it.

The note ends by asking for a step at home, not by asking the teacher to explain the lesson again. If the same note keeps coming back week after week, it is time for a longer conversation; Questions for the parent-teacher meeting has a card to prepare for it.

If your child uses the String for Families app, its daily read tells you each evening where they got it right and where they hesitated in what they played from their own syllabus, which can help you write the teacher a more precise note.

When to stop, even before rung 4

The ladder sets how much you help. These signs tell you when the whole session is over:

• Tears or anger: stop and suggest a short break. A child rarely learns anything while angry, and a fight over homework can make them dread homework itself.
• The time you agreed on is up: set a limit for homework before it starts, one that fits their age and what the school expects. If time runs out before the homework does, that is something the teacher should know too.
• The pencil is in your hand: if you find yourself writing, you have gone past rung 3. Hand the pencil back.
• The homework asks for something not taught yet: if your child says the teacher hasn't explained it, don't teach the lesson from the start; tell the teacher.

The same ladder at different ages

The four rungs don't change, but what the first rung means changes with age. The same report is especially cautious about direct help for older children.

When the ladder doesn't work

The ladder fails when homework reaches rung 4 every night. That means the homework is harder than your child can manage right now, and the problem is no longer how you help. Don't add more help at home; ask to talk to the teacher, and ask what support the school offers. How to know your child's level gives five short checks to gather what you will tell the teacher.

If the same difficulty shows up in more than one subject, or your child's worry has started to get in the way of school, home or play — the sign UNICEF gives for seeking support — talk to the school counsellor, and ask for a specialist's view if the school advises it. This ladder organises your help; it does not diagnose anything. And if screens are taking homework time, start with a family screen-time agreement.

Written with String's editorial team: we use AI for research and first drafts, and a person checks every fact and every source before anything is published. How we write